


Fall apart, I'll hold you together

by LozB4



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, not TK's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29183352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LozB4/pseuds/LozB4
Summary: After finding out that Owen wanted to be left in that mineshaft, TK's insecurity about the people he loves abandoning him comes back with a vengeance. Thankfully Carlos isn't going anywhere.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 5
Kudos: 167





	Fall apart, I'll hold you together

**Author's Note:**

> Ok now I'm addicted. I just love them too damn much. Also Carlos is just everything, the least screen time and still my favourite, I wanted to try something that is a little angsty but also excruciatingly fluffy because Tarlos. So please enjoy!  
> This does contain a few mentions of 911 and Owen's guilt and an illusion to TK's past but nothing major

"TK calm down please-"

"No!"

_Dad wants to abandon him again. Dad would have been happier to leave TK alone than keep living. Dad doesn't care. He's not enough._

"TK-" The chair TK was sitting on clatters across the floor, possibly leaving a mark but TK's head is spinning too hard to hear it. Owen is rising too, a hand reaching out across the too wide desk and glancing a few inches off.

"Please sit, we'll talk about this."

"No- no clearly I am the last person you want to talk about this with- a random stranger in California knows, but me, your son? I had to find out because you've become so suicidal." As he spits out the words he remembers the similar ones Carlos hissed at him from his place on the opposite side of his police desk more than a year ago.

"I haven't-" Owen begins but his shoulders slump in a defeat that indicates TK is right.

"You've barely looked at me since we saved you. You reprimand me any chance you get for risking my life for yours. You told me your life wasn't worth it. Well news flash Dad, it is to me. You took me down here, you made this life with me. Why can't you just- why wouldn't you-"

"It's not about you TK." His Dad sounds so tired when he speaks and TK shakes his head in disbelief.

"No it never is. I was 7 years old. 7. And I watched you on the TV go into that tower. And I never saw you leave it. And I screamed when it came down. And I cried and cried when you didn't come home. And then you did. And I got my Dad back. Only I didn't. And what it felt like when you were stuck up there and I couldn't get to you again, I was that 7 year old kid and I felt like I was screaming. But this time I could do something and I did and I am never going to apologise for saving my Dad's life. Even if it was more for me than you."

TK begins to walk to the door then stops, shaking his head as he walks back. "No. No. I'm actually not finished. Mom walked out of my life when I was 9 and I was left with a father who only cared about his fire fighters, so that's what I became. The man I believed was my soulmate cheated on me for 6 months and left me on what should have been the happiest night of my life. Maybe its a character defect of mine that the people I love leave but this time I'm putting my foot down. When I was like this you wouldn't let me go and now I'm not letting you go. You made me and Judd get therapy, now I'm making you."

This time TK does pull the door open when Owen finally speaks up again, "TK can you promise me you're not going to do something stupid." All the anger and rage that TK has been reserving for the last few weeks swirls inside him, he wants to yell and scream and cry and definitely do something stupid. However and far more importantly, he wants to go home, to Carlos, and hide from the world in his arms.

"Yes." Taking a deep breath of calm that seems to come naturally with the thought of the other man TK finishes, "I'm going to see Carlos."

"Ok. I want updates."

"Fine." They aren't looking at each other as they talk, well Owen is looking at the back of TK's head and TK is staring at the ceiling directly above himself. Just as he is leaving TK hears Owen reply,

"I do love you TK. More than anything. More than my life, whatever that is worth."

The door shutting behind him is the smallest barrier between them at the moment.

TK calls Carlos as soon as he is in his car and gets his boyfriend's working voice reply. "Officer Reyes APD."

"Hey babe."

"TK! Sorry I'm driving, car didn't show caller ID."

"Where are you driving to?"

"Just picking up groceries. This really cute firefighter shows up at my house and eats all my food."

"Sounds like a problem."

"Nah he's cute enough to get away with it. Your shift is finished are you coming to mine? Not to be clingy or anything. But I am." As their relationship has become firmer, Carlos has become more and more confident in expressing what he wants, and one of the reasons TK knows he is so far gone for this man is because he finds so much joy in that.

"And I enjoy it. Can I stay a few days at yours?"

"Longer the better. Everything ok or are you just giving your parents space? Are they fighting again?"

"Thanks babe- they're fine as far as I know. Its- I'll tell you about it later. I'll see you in 20, just going to pick up some clothes at mine."

"Kay lo-" TK freezes probably as much as Carlos is on the other end, is he finally going to say it? Not that TK can speak he's been biting his tongue around the words every time they speak. "Low fat yoghurt is on special want some?"

TK has to admit that is a good save.

"Yeah sure. I eat anything."

"As I have discovered."

"You weren't complaining when I-"

"Ty now is a good time to mention Michelle is in the car."

"Oh- oh hey Michelle."

"Hi TK."

Even a small conversation has lightened TK's mood considerably so he steps into the house with a smile towards his Mom who begins to follow him through the house as he heads for his bedroom. "Ok Mom?"

"Your father messaged."

"Great."

"He's worried about you."

"Yeah and I'm worried about him- did you know- that he... Regrets living?" She looks at the floor, eyes closed and shoulders seemingly bearing a heavy weight.

"TK you have to understand what he's been through-"

"I do understand- well I don't completely but he's so insistent on the benefits of therapy whilst also refusing to get it himself. If he cared-"

"He does care TK."

"Sometimes I struggle to see that. He grieves and grieves but refuses any attempt to get better." She watches him pack his bag, collating a random assortment of clothing articles that Carlos will no doubt spend at least 10 minutes folding neatly into the drawer he cleaned out for TK in his room.

"Do I have to worry about you TK?"

"No. No for once you do not. Worry about Dad. Please."

"I always do. Give Carlos a hug from me."

In no mood to cook and in no mood to let Carlos leave his side to cook, TK picks up food from Carlos' favourite takeaway on his way over. Michelle is still standing at the car talking to his boyfriend when he pulls up and TK just slightly wants to cry. His boyfriend of course needs and deserves a social life outside of TK, but TK is to a point where he just wants to sob now, not speak to Michelle or wait in the empty house for Carlos to join him.

Still he puts on a brave face, shoulders his bag and steps outside. A burst of happiness sears through the weight of grief on his heart when Carlos looks to him and his face lights up, an arm already reaching out for TK to duck under and lean into him.

Whether Michelle was leaving anyway or the sight of TK's defeated posture scares her away, she says her goodbyes and drives away in her charity van. "Is she going or coming from the homeless camp?"

"Going, she wanted to pick up food for her sister first."

Knowing Carlos was once more close to the illusive Iris, TK remembers to ask after her. "How is Iris?"

"Michelle got her to a doctor last week. She's still at the camp but yeah there's some progress. Its good. I went to see Iris last week."

They begin to walk together to the house but TK pauses to squeeze Carlos' waist in worry. "But you're careful when you're there- I imagine they don't like cops."

Carlos just smiles fondly, his gaze sweeping over TK before he shakes his head and explains, "I make sure not to go in uniform. I like it when you get protective."

"Yeah well I prefer you alive and uninjured." If it comes out snappier than TK intended Carlos doesn't quibble it, just holding the door open for him to step inside.

"Everything ok?"

"Later. Dinner?" TK asks presenting the bag of food and Carlos makes an adorably cute noise of approval.

"You got dinner!"

"Don't want to cook and I intend to cuddle you too much for you to cook." As much as he enjoys hearing Carlos say things like that, he enjoys far more saying soft and sweet things to Carlos just to seem him smile dopily and usually draw TK into a kiss.

"Sounds like my kind of night."

TK can sense Carlos' questions the entire time they sit on the sofa with the takeaway boxes on their laps, TK slightly leaning into Carlos' side and focussing on the 6pm news bulletin. The weather is broadcasting in the background as TK finally speaks again but not about what he wants to.

"I kinda miss New York snow you know? We used to get huge snowstorms. Wake up to a metre of snow outside or something. Not that it was good for firefighters cause you can't actually get anywhere and people freeze themselves out in stupid places and then there's the people who go through ice on ponds, honestly there's an ice skating rink on central park but no they have to go on the pond honestly its-"

"TK?" Carlos' voice is gentle and the smirk of his lips definitely display his amusement but his eyes are soft and worried when TK looks into them.

"Yes dearest?"

"Remember that time when you were trying to break up with me and talked about boba, Billie Eilish and Benjamin Button? This feels like that."

"I'm not breaking up with you!" TK exclaims, almost dropping his noodles to grab Carlos's arm and hold on. Carlos takes being sprinkled with noodles well, placing the remainder of their food on the floor by their feet and then turning his body to face TK and stroking a hand down his arm.

"I know. But you want to talk about something and you're avoiding it. It's me. I'm right here." For a few moments TK is just aware that he is opening and closing his mouth blankly before he projects himself forward, colliding with Carlos' chest so they are both lying along the sofa.

"I need- I need-" TK doesn't have to finish the thought, Carlos' arms are already wrapped tightly around him, just on the perfect borderline of too tight. TK still can't find the words, even with Carlos' nose burrowed against the top of his head.

"You can fall apart, I'll hold the pieces together."

"My Dad he- I always knew he carried so much from 911. So much guilt. You never just walk away from something like that I suppose. Like Judd as well." Carlos just hums in reply, his finger tips grazing softly across TK's ribs. "He hasn't told me, he hasn't told me anything, but I think getting lung cancer relieved the guilt. Even if he didn't die there with his men, he thought the cancer would even the score. But he's in remission. He didn't die."

TK pauses, not really sure where his thought path is going from there so he takes a few moments to burrow his nose into Carlos' chest and just breathe. Its easier to breathe like this even with his nose stuffed in fabric.

"We had a pretty one sided conversation, basically it was just me yelling but I know he blames me for the rescue effort to save him, he wished he died up there. He had a chance to even the score and I stopped it. Because I'm selfish enough to love my Dad. Is it selfish- to expect him to want to live for my sake?"

Carlos is quiet for a good long minute, probably trying to find the right words, "No. But if his mental state is as bad as it sounds, he's probably not considering you."

TK scoffs out a laugh, "No he probably isn't. Dad, Mum, Alex they all just- they all individually decided that I wasn't enough incentive to stay."

Carlos shifts and TK reluctantly is pulled back with him, "Look at me."

It takes a few seconds for TK to force his eyes up to meet Carlos' warm brown ones. He can feel the pads of his thumbs swiping over his cheeks and belatedly realises that they are brushing away the tears that fall unconsciously from his eyes.

"You're enough, I promise you, you're enough. And for as long as you'll have me, you'll always be enough for me."

"You don't know that- what if-"

"I'd marry you tomorrow if that's what it took for you to believe that I'm not going anywhere. But I want a romantic proposal out of you someday so I'd rather you don't take me up on that yet."

TK chokes out a sob, his hands turning to rest against Carlos' "You mean that?"

"Of course I do. I love you so much."

Finally. One of them has said it and now the barrier on TK's own words lifts away. "I love you too. So much. Low fat yoghurt is on sale huh?"

Carlos burrows his face in his palms. "Not my best save."

Drawing his hands down, TK kisses Carlos on the nose. "Not the worst. But fine I won't take you up on your proposal."

The noise of objection that spills out of Carlos is cute enough to make TK want to propose but one step at a time. "That wasn't a proposal! I would of had at least roses if it was."

"Nope. Nope its going down in history. You proposed to me first!"

"And you cruelly rejected me." Not even a few months ago the thought of rejected proposals would have turned TK's stomach, now he just fondly kisses the man he loves.

"How about moving in together first?"

Now it is Carlos' turn to fluster, and TK's heart drops for a second until Carlos replies in a low voice, eyes deadly serious locked with TK's. "You mean that?"

"I mean its your flat. We don't have to."

Grabbing TK's arms to pull him closer, Carlos is positively beaming now, "No. No you misunderstand. I want to. Coming home to you every day? Can't think of anything better."

Carlos insists, instantly, on clearing out an extra two drawers for TK who tries to reason that he doesn't actually own that many clothes. His reasoning doesn't work because he finds himself sitting on the end of Carlos', their, bed and watching his boyfriend fold numerous polo necked shirts away.

In his pocket his phone buzzes and a quick check reveals a message from his Dad.

_Dad: TK you promised._

_TK: I'm fine Dad._

_Dad: Sure?_

_TK: Yeah I have Carlos_

TK draws his gaze back to Carlos who is fretting over a wrinkle or several in TK's shirt. Yeah he has Carlos. And they are more than enough for each other.

Carlos looks up, about to reprimand TK for the wrinkles in his shirt but he gets knocked off focus when he finds TK already looking at him.

"Yes?"

"Nothing."

"Smitten." Carlos teases and TK finds a pair of socks to toss at the other man, pausing for a second to be impressed by the other man's reflexes at catching them. "You're in love." He sing songs and TK can only shake his head fondly. 

"You're such a dork. Now am I going to spend the first night in _our_ bed alone or are you joining me."

TK finds himself awake in the middle of the night, Carlos snoring softly into his shoulder with an arm draped over his waist, there are 12 messages on his phone from his parents and his fingers itch to message and book an extra therapy appointment but that can wait for the morning. For now he can just relish the warmth that comes from having someone who loves him right next to him.

Yeah he's enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have any ideas for me to write please do suggest them because I like writing and ignoring my responsibilities :)


End file.
